Image source: My private collection. Sunrise near Tallinn, Estonia.

In times of trouble and darkness turning into light it seems quite dense sometimes. I believe we are at this very point in our human experience. We can see the light and the potential of what is there but the darkness has to be dealt with first. During times like these it is very easy to lose hope and I have lost it as well but I write these words knowing (because I’ve lived it) that it can get better.

I’ve done many things in my life that I still regret. Mistreated women, men, animals, You name it. And I don’t particularly enjoy that I’ve done those things. If I’ve ever hurt You, I’m sorry.

But I’ve also lived another life and doing my best to live it currently, everyday. I’m clean now, I’m sober for 3 years. I do my best to treat every creature with as much respect as I possibly can. And although some days I still struggle, I enjoy life a lot more than I used to. I found a deeper meaning within and outside of myself.

I used to cry myself to sleep while smoking weed, being drunk at the same time, alone in my bed. It was very bad.

I write this because I know what darkness feels, looks and tastes like. And it’s not very nice. And if You are struggling out there somewhere, know that it can get better, a lot better. If it seems like there is no end in sight to Your suffering, know that there is.

I hope that these words offer You some hope. A knowing that there is always a sunrise after a sunset. Always summer after winter. A birth after death.

Somebody who cares, somebody who has gone through what You are going through.

There is always hope.

Ian Altosaar


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