Subtle addictions

by

Fine2Image source: http://sunshine2455.deviantart.com/art/I-said-I-m-fine-294332994

As my training in the Reclaim Your Inner Throne course continues into week 4, I’m head to head with my addictions. As I write this I can feel myself trying to impress whoever reads this. Pleasing others. One of my not so subtle addictions. At first I filled out my addiction sheet, there were a lot of empty places to write still. As the week rolled on, my lists became longer, filled with addictions I didn’t at first acknowledge. Singing sarcastically – I do that to avoid feeling not good enough or uncomfortable. Over committing – fear of losing love or not being loved. Daydreaming – definitely a big one. Drift into the past when I’ve felt loved or project something happening in the future where “I have it all or am loved” etc. I do that to avoid the pain present in the moment (I do all of them because of that). It’s been intense. Drifting between powerlessness and Hercules complex. Wanting to power through everything. Sometimes shaming myself and thinking it’s not okay. Having to remind myself that it is okay. I’m always doing the best I can, I’m a human being, I’m me. I can really feel comfort in sharing with the other men on the course. Always feel more present with it all. I’m glad I got over my shyness a little bit and came from a more loving place on the first Triad meeting, held one of the men accountable. And because he himself said so. It’s always easier to do it when a person wants You to do it. Then they are more receptive of the feedback. When I wrote the last paragraph I felt my heart open again just a tiny bit, expand.

Last week:

  • Finish projects You have started. Reclaim Your Inner Throne training homework, training calls, teleseminars etc. – At the moment I do feel a little overwhelmed but I’m finishing it one by one. Taking one step at a time.
  • Sports betting, attend live games, do one thing at a time. Be present when making decisions. Breathe the attention in Your body. – Didn’t attend any live games, have been betting but not really present with it always. Something to look at again. Just from a point: “When I’m doing sports betting, then I’m doing sports betting”.
  •  Fill out Your daily diary. – Yes. More presence here would help as well. In all aspects to be honest.
  • Write down ideas, dreams, synchronicities, events etc. – Yes, but have been so tired (I’m physically ill at the moment) some nights that I’ve fallen straight back to sleep.
  • Eat a vegetarian diet, plus eggs. – Yes.
  • Meditate when You feel like it, take time for it. – Definitely can take more time for this. Have been taking small breaks at work just to reload and be with myself more. Always helps.
  • Exercise at least 4 times a week. – No, I’ve been sick almost this whole week. Mostly in bed when I’m not at work.
  • Continue with practices “What would someone who loved themselves do?” and “What would You do if You had 20 mil Euros?” – Didn’t ask once.
  • Meet people in real life, do smth fun. – Yes, had great conversation with a friend. She really helped me see myself from a new perspective. When I fight with my feelings then I go into my mind and start judging others, mind games, daydreaming etc. When I allow feelings others feel more comfortable with me.
  • Continue with anal de-armouring. – Yes.
  • Practice feeling Your feelings and being present with Yourself. Say Your thoughts out loud. – Yes, couple of strong reactions to rejection and “failing”. Didn’t feel and went straight to anger.
  • Practice being present with others and be genuinely interested in them. – Yes, the friend experience I mentioned above illustrates it beautifully.
  • Sleep. – Definitely not enough.
  • Draw or color smth. – Seems like it has been months I colored smth. Makes me a little sad and disappointed.
  • Remember Your presence and take life as it is. – No, not this week. Have been present rarely and fighting and blaming the outside as well.
  • Daily brain training at http://www.lumosity.com. – Yes, everyday.

Next week:

  • Finish projects You have started. Reclaim Your Inner Throne training homework, training calls, teleseminars etc.
  • Sports betting, attend live games, do one thing at a time. Be present when making decisions. Breathe the attention in Your body.
  •  Fill out Your daily diary.
  • Write down ideas, dreams, synchronicities, events etc.
  • Eat a vegetarian diet, plus eggs.
  • Meditate when You feel like it, take time for it.
  • Exercise at least 4 times a week.
  • Continue with practices “What would someone who loved themselves do?” and “What would You do if You had 20 mil Euros?”
  • Meet people in real life, do smth fun.
  • Continue with anal de-armouring.
  • Practice feeling Your feelings and being present with Yourself. Say Your thoughts out loud.
  • Practice being present with others and be genuinely interested in them.
  • Sleep.
  • Draw or color smth.
  • Remember Your presence and take life as it is.
  • Daily brain training at http://www.lumosity.com.

Feel really sarcastic at the moment, some kind of an emotion I’m not wanting to be present with.

<3

Leave a Comment