Explaining Naivete and Delusions in Relationships, Through the Lens of Astrology. And What to do About Them.

Photo by Jenna Jacobs on Unsplash

This piece is directly inspired by my own experiences, growth, my own suffering and then finding answers to that suffering.

We all have an idea about how relationships “should” look, feel and taste like. Sometimes these ideas are hidden in our subconsciousness and we need a wake-up call to see our naïve way of looking at relationships.

Right now, You might be asking, why is this even important?

It is important because deep down, each of us, no matter how repressed the desire, yearn to be in a “healthy” relationship. I’m talking about romantic relationships in this context, just to be clear.

I had an intense relationship some years ago that ended abruptly. At first, this sent me into a deep abyss, not understanding my own worth and value, sadness, etc. You probably know the drill if You have ever loved someone and have them love You back.

Fortunately for me, this darkness motivated to get more powerful within myself emotionally. I started researching and testing my findings out like a crazy person. Which lead me to a new committed, romantic relationship.

This is where the delusion part and astrology come into play.

We each have specific kinds of ideas about relationships. It can mostly be seen (if I’m very general) from the placement of Venus (and the aspects to it) in Your natal chart. For some, the placement is more positive (meaning they probably have a healthier idea of relationships, whatever that means). For others this placement is difficult. Meaning somewhere during the course of their lives they saw something, experienced something that led them to believe difficult things about relationships.

Some examples:

Relationships are hard!

This is how my relationship should be! If it’s not that it’s not healthy or good or whatever!

Relationships are a prison!

Relationships are painful!

Relationships should only be about me and about my needs!

I’m in a relationship only because I want the other person to make me look better!

Relationships are easy! (One of my favorite delusions)

Relationships are hard!

Relationships should only make me feel good!

Relationships make me feel bad!

I’m nothing without a relationship! (A popular one for sure)

Just some examples of many.

Now back to my personal story.

Having gone through some years of intensely researching and testing out relationships, I thought I was the man and I could handle any woman. And control everything in such a way that it constantly feels super awesome for both of us!

You can probably see where this is going.

Obviously, this can only work for a while. Maybe 6–12 months, then the “real” relationship starts.

Trying to control this “to feel good all the time” plan of mine was not a really good plan.

Word of advice, controlling a situation to the brink of insanity can usually only lead to a breaking point. Nobody in this world likes to be controlled. Not humans, not animals, not relationships.


I’m not saying “just let go and trust” all the time. No, this is extreme and does not work. A healthy balance between control and letting go is required in this life. In all areas of life. Especially in relationships.

Where did my excessive need to control and “feel good all the time” led me?

To the brink of escape and the destruction of this close relationship.

Which makes sense if You have ever tried to control something.

What about astrology? What does this have to do with it all?

Through astrology, we can actually see these delusions, control issues, other difficult aspects that indicate those ideas that we have about relationships. Be it conscious ideas or subconscious. And after we have identified them, we can take certain kind of actions to remedy these aspects.

I have to add here that even understanding Your naivete and delusions about how relationships should be like is a giant step and leap forward. And for some of You, this might not be a delusion it can just be a belief about relationships that is buried so deep in Your subconsciousness that You don’t even know that it’s there. Unfortunately, Your life will still reflect this to You from time to time, and if You want to stay in a relationship it is better to uncover this.

The main aspects of our focus today are:

Venus in either opposition or square to Saturn

Venus in either opposition or square to Uranus

Venus in either opposition or square to Neptune (This one particular will stimulate Your delusions)

I personally have two of these in my chart. I’m not going to tell You which ones though. Luckily, I have some positive aspects as well that helped me (and are still helping me) to navigate the more negative ones.

First, let us look at how each of these aspects can manifest in material reality.

Venus in difficult aspect with Saturn = karmic lessons in relationships, feeling (or thinking, depending on the planetary placements) that relationships are hard work, believing that relationships are a chore, can take time to get over old relationships, rehashing old relationships too much, repeating patterns in relationships, relationships feeling like burdens.

Good things to do with this aspect = the first step is to understand Your thought patterns about this (probably that relationships are hard work and feel like a chore or even a burden), if You do that then You can already start catching Yourself thinking this. It will affect You immediately. But beware, changing a thought pattern takes a little time.

Good actions to take physically = paint mountains or old things, look at beautiful pictures or take them Yourself of old things, mountains, government buildings.

Venus in difficult aspect with Uranus = abrupt changes in relationships, wanting change constantly in relationships, wanting innovation and “newness” in relationships, nervous tension in relationships, relationships irritating the nervous system, want too much freedom in relationships, can feel everything is restricting them or things in the relationship are restricting them, falling in love in an instant, falling in love too quickly.

Good things to do with this aspect = same as with Saturn.

Good actions to take physically = learn astrology about relationships (relationship astrology), learn new innovative methods in relationships, do new things on occasion with Your partner, paint the sky or astrological symbols.

Venus in difficult aspect with Neptune = a childlike approach to relationships, getting deceived in relationships, having grand illusions and delusions about relationships, being addicted to relationships, being addicted to the good feelings at the beginning of the relationships and constantly chasing them, addiction in relationships, to allowing in relationships, wanting soulmate connection all the time with partner, wanting to merge with partner constantly, unrealistic ideas of love.

Good things to do with this aspect = same as with Saturn.

Good actions to take physically = painting by the seaside, doing a spiritual practice together with a partner, painting angels, and dolphins.

These remedies will help channel that difficult energy out of Your system so that You can see things as they are in Your close relationship.

Some general guidelines about relationships:

You can compromise and should do it on occasion, contrary to popular belief. You just can’t do it too much. Then You will compromise too much of Yourself. Do it too little and You will drift into the other extreme. Again, conflict will arise. Find a healthy balance between this.

Relationships are not meant to be easy or hard all the time. It is a mixture of the two. You will get it all if You get into one. Better take it in and enjoy it as much as You can.

There will be fights in Your relationships. This happens more often than You would think. It is a necessary part of relationships to clear the air and understand what we actually want.

Sex is very important. Do Your best to find time for this. Even when You are tired. It will help with all the fighting and clearing of the air.

Open communication is key! Do Your best to openly state Your desires, wants and needs. Be vulnerable if possible. Really say what You are experiencing deep down. Make it about You. “I’m feeling like this and I’m really scared that this is going to happen” is what is mostly going on in our beings. Very simplified of course. This always has a huge shift in what is happening in the relationship.

Truth is, relationships have it all. The good, bad, beauty, ugly, fighting, calm, the whole spectrum. If You want to grow, and I believe deep down You do, it is the quickest way to Your development. Or at the very least, one of the quickest.

Ian Altosaar

For a private astrological consultation with me go here: https://ianaltosaar.com/contact/

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