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I’ve previously written about Female sexuality here. It is a piece written about female sexuality from the perspective of a man.

In this article, I’m going to dissect male sexuality (or my own) from the perspective of a man.

These are my observations and failures through the years of mostly being in a monogamous heterosexual relationship. I’m a heterosexual man myself and my partners have all been women.

The purpose of this piece is to help You discover hidden facets of Your own sexuality if You are a man. And if You are a woman, then hopefully You can understand Your man better.

There are a lot of ideas out there about male sexuality out there.

One of the most popular ones is that it’s quite linear.

Meaning, men only like a specific kind of sex. Usually the quick and penetrating type of sex.

Hopefully, this piece sheds some light on the other, deeper side of male sexuality.

1. Take Your time. Men also like it slow at times. I like to be warmed up, massaged, caressed, etc before I get into penetrative sex. If You are a woman then learning how to do Lingam (fancy tantric word for penis) massage can be a real gift to Your partner. Also for You because this helps him circulate sexual energy in his body. As well as decrease the sensitivity on the tip of his penis so he can last longer in bed. This can open up a new world of whole-body orgasms as well.

2. Men are multi-orgasmic. I have personally experienced five different types of orgasms. Ejaculation, head (sexual energy is moved up from the penis and into the head or upwards in the body), heart (energy is moved into the heart which creates an orgasmic, blissful feeling), anal stimulation (opens up the whole body and especially the heart, blissful, surrendering type of feeling in the body), whole-body orgasm (I’ve only managed this with ejaculation but I believe this is possible without it as well). Some tantric masters say that there are even more than five. This is where it serves to have an open mind with Your sexuality. Be open to exploration and trying new things.

3. Ejaculating too often drains our life energy or force. This one is pretty simple. Ejaculate = have a blissful experience for a few seconds but lose creative energy for a couple of days. Don’t ejaculate = increase creative energy and life force in Your body. When You do this You will have the desire for Your partner like You haven’t experienced before. Everything turns into creativity and sex. Quite a magnificent way to be in this world. The best balance I’ve personally found with this is ejaculating approximately once a month while having sex multiple times a day. Some tantric masters do many years without ejaculating. For me, that seems a bit too extreme. You need to find Your own balance with this.

4. Sometimes we do like it quick and it’s just raw passion and fucking.

5. We like to be taken care of in bed. As men we are used to taking charge in the world, making decisions, thinking and having duties and responsibilities in our lives that sometimes weigh on us. It’s really good to let go in bed sometimes and be taken care of by the woman. Massage is great, just caressing Your man gently (and roughly) are good as well. And then just riding You…
Here the lesson for the man is to let go and receive which can be really hard at first. This is a conscious practice when You are lucky enough to find a woman who is willing to do these things for You in bed.

6. Breathing and expressing Your pleasure and enjoyment. One of the secrets to moving the sexual energy created in the genitals is breathing. The more common knowledge and the default that our bodies do is clenching of the energy. Meaning, when the desire and sexual energy arises, both the man and the woman clench their genitalia, which makes the man come more quickly. The key is to not give in to that but to breathe the sexual energy upwards into Your body. Both for the man and the woman. All kinds of sounds and noises that come out help to do that. In my experience, it even increases the pleasure. So, if You are one of the shy ones, give it a go. You might be surprised by the sexual beast that lives inside of You. A word of warning, this is teamwork. Both, the man and the woman have to do their part. If You are a woman then do Your best not to suck the energy out of the penis of the man. It will increase his pleasure, as well as Yours and it will help the two of You to have sex for hours. And in my experience, it is the prerequisite for having different kinds of orgasms (other than ejaculation and stimulating the clitoris).

7. We can have sex almost anytime or anywhere, regardless of our physical condition. To summarize, we can even have sex when we don’t want to. Even when we are sick in bed.

8. We love it when the woman shows her pleasure. This can actually take us over the edge… Ladies, You are allowed to express Yourself during sex! This is enjoyable for us too!

9. If we ejaculate, it feels like we lose a part of ourselves. Something feels and seems like it’s missing. Usually, it takes a couple of days to get the energy flowing again. If we seem distant, it’s because it’s quite uncomfortable to be in our bodies during that time. Best to give us time to recover. But when having sex and Your desire is to keep from ejaculating, it is a bit harder during the first few days. The addiction to the feeling from the ejaculation is freshly on our minds.

The journey with Your sexuality is a life-long endeavor. An open and curious mind will help You on this path.

Ian Altosaar

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