The following is a guidebook and an explanation of a common occurrence in a close, committed, romantic relationship.
When a Lady tests a Gentleman, there is usually an emotional reaction within the Lady.
First of all, we need to distinguish what do I mean by “testing” in this context?
This phenomena usually happens in a close and romantic relationship. And usually something triggers the Lady and she feels some type of emotion she cannot handle on her own.
Next, all of that emotion is put on the Gentleman.
In which way You might ask?
To summarise, everything is the Gentleman’s fault. And when I say everything, I mean everything.
You remember that time You forgot to take out the trash? Me neither, but it will be thrown in Your face.
Remember that time You didn’t pick up bread or something from the store?
Me neither, but this time You will be convinced that You are the worst person in the world and You don’t love her enough!
This is where You will start getting the first clues of what is really going on under all of that emotion.
Very often the Lady feels that she isn’t loved enough by You or something similar. She might have a fear that You don’t love her enough.
Or even afraid that You want different things in life and in the relationship. Even though You have explained a million times that You want the same things!!!
Crazy, I know but this is how it is.
I will give You the secret now. She actually doesn’t want to break up with You. She wants to know that You are a strong man and capable of standing in her with all of that emotion.
But what are some of the pitfalls we as men can fall into?
Justifying our experience. “I picked up that milk, I swear!” It is not about the milk. She doesn’t give a damn about the milk. She wants to see if You are able to stand with her. Don’t fall into this, it will get You nowhere.
Blaming her. “But You didn’t do the dishes that time!” (or something meaningless). This will only cause her to blame You even more. And You will lose that game. She will twist and turn, think of things You didn’t do 5 years ago when You guys were just friends. Trust me, You can’t win the blame game, she always wins!
Yelling. Don’t do this, she will yell even more and You guys will yell at each other, achieving nothing and getting nowhere. Again, she will win.
By now You might be asking, how do I win?
You don’t, this is a lose-lose situation for You. Winning, in this case, means that You come out of the meeting alive with the relationship still intact.
How do You do it?
First, a little humor. “I can’t believe You remember that, what a good memory You have my darling.” Something similar, be creative with this. It is a difficult situation.
When You see and hear sentences that are totally not true, stand strong and continue to say “This is not true at all. This has not happened at all.” Things like that. This will get her to the next stage.
By now You should understand that it’s not actually about the thing You are arguing about. It is something deeper. This is the key, this is what You need to focus on.
After You have defused the situation with a little humor and strength it is time to understand what is actually bothering her.
A task for the mightiest of You!!!
Look for clues, because within all of those twisted lies and things You actually didn’t do or did, there are clues hidden to what is actually bothering her.
Usually, it is something entirely different than You think!
What could this be?
Very often it is something she thinks is true because You did something or didn’t do something. She will invent a story about this like “Oh my God, he didn’t do this, this means that he is not serious about the relationship (but You really are and the thing You did had nothing to do with her)!”
And now the fear comes in and she will hit You with her emotion, actually just wanting to feel safe in Your arms and You telling her that You love her!
One last piece of advice!
By any means, don’t start asking what is wrong with her!!! Or what does she want!!! No! Don’t do this!!!
In that state of pure emotions, she has no clue herself. It is Your job to figure this shit out. You are the man and You are clever! Now, go and do this! You got this!
I would like to send my love with this piece of writing to all the ladies and men in committed relationships figuring it out and doing Your best. I know it’s not easy work. Godspeed, godspeed Ladies, and Gentlemen.