Photo by Tim Gouw from Pexels https://www.pexels.com/photo/art-backlit-city-coast-175659/
To be in a committed relationship is actually more of a commitment to Yourself than the other.
As we as humans spend time in committed one on one relationships, the intense desire that was there at the beginning has it’s ups and downs. During the downs, Your desire might wander outside. The mind can ponder and fantasize about others. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s quite natural.
But what if there’s another way? The way of allowing that to be.
So You see an attractive specimen of the opposite sex (or the same, whichever Your preference) and You feel that desire in You burn that was there initially with Your partner (and still might be for that matter). What do You do?
One might go after that desire instantly. But I believe we all know where that can lead to. Broken hearts and tears for You and Your partner. Depending on the circumstances.
What if there’s another option? One of inner discovery and exploration of that desire?
I mean objectively looking at this reaction in Your mind and body.
So a desire is just a desire. Nothing more or nothing less. Unless we ourselves make it more than it is.
Also, sexual desire can be observed as very shallow. If You’ve done the so-called “dirty deed” with partners in the past You probably already know how it’s going to go. At first, it’s very arousing to undress each other and You don’t exactly know what’s under the clothes. But that will change. You will know exactly what’s under them and the excitement dwindles.
Of course, sex can be amazing and a wonderful discovery but sometimes it’s meaningless and shallow as well. It does not have the power to fulfill Your fragmented self. Contrary to popular belief.
What I want to convey to You is that the forbidden fruit so to speak will look enticing at first. But behind it, there are the same challenges that are in front of You now. There will be ups and downs as well.
How to have desire in Your current relationship?
This is a tricky task. One that has many faces.
In my experience, it’s been a conscious effort in my mind first and then moving into expression after.
So instead of thinking “Oh I’m so bored with our sex life, this is so dull I’m not aroused by them anymore.” You could sit in contemplation and really look at them, through a clean lens. Find new things to appreciate and lust after. Watch how they move, how they communicate, how they lick their lips. From that new desires will grow and hopefully You have the courage to express them.
You can also talk to them, get to know them more deeply. Listen, ask questions, express what You like and don’t appreciate as much. There is still much to learn from each other.
Talk about them kindly, compliment them and do Your best to see the best in what it is that they do. This will have the love growing inside of You, that can evolve into or express itself as desire.
Have fun with it.
Ian Altosaar
