Photo by Buzz Andersen on Unsplash

I’ll be the first to say it, I’m emotionally broken. There are holes within my being and consciousness that will probably take a lifetime to fill and rebuild. That’s okay. Annoying at times but still okay.

On the positive side of this, once You are able to see Your own brokenness, it becomes easier to see broken parts of others as well.

I’ve met many people during my life on this planet. Teachers, lovers, friends, people, acquaintances, none of them seem emotionally whole as human beings. They all have broken parts, I believe every person on this planet currently has at least some emptiness within their being that they are running away from. And that’s okay, annoying but okay.

So how do You find more meaning, wholeness in this mess?

As of now, through shit, pain and unhappiness. And then by eliminating that shit so You have more time for exploring the depths of Your own unconscious Self. Discovering more and more meaning, layer after layer.

It’s a grind, a process that will take a long time. Baby steps, every day towards emotional well-being, wholeness.

Don’t get me wrong, I sometimes get distracted by meaningless crap like sporting events and the occasional fantasy movie. That’s okay if You get back on the horse and start unraveling tons and tons of programming that’s been put on You by society, friends, parents, etc.

But how do You discover which thing in Your life is crap and which one isn’t?

A good indicator is if You feel empty afterward and want more and more of it.

There’s a good chance that You are filling a hole inside Yourself to not experience what You are experiencing deep down. To escape what I call the void.

The void is treacherous and frightening. It is almost impossible to step into it but once You do, You will feel wholeness unlike never before. Until You get lost again and have to step into an even deeper void within Yourself. This path is as difficult as it is rewarding.

The world can be a scary place, seems like there’s no limit to the insanity roaming our society.

Do Yourself a favor and step out of it from time to time. Instead of going for the next event or distraction, sit and listen to Yourself, as scary as this might be.

Talking from first-hand experience, no amount of drugs, alcohol, parties, women, entertainment cannot ever fill that hole.

The only thing that is capable of truly filling the void inside is the attention You give Yourself quietly, in the darkness. Or on the couch during the day. It really doesn’t have to be darkness. Just add some for more dramatic effect.

And after You have done it, go out and live Your life once more. But I warn You, the things that seemed meaningful before, now have a shallow aftertaste.

That just means You are closer to Yourself than You have ever been before.

More meaning awaits.

Ian Altosaar



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