Fears, Meditation and Dying

Image source: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-mountain-during-day-226366/

Recently I’ve been obsessed with death, dying of old parts of myself. There is a very simple reason for this.

Dying of those parts, fears that have lived inside of me for so long has provided me with the freedom I’ve longed for such an extended period of time.

In a way I want to die now. I want to go through those things that have held me back for so long. By that I mean they have limited my capacity to live a full life. Full of everything it truly has to offer.

As corny and straight from a self help book as this may sound, I can see the results of literally allowing and letting myself die. And it is quite profound.

The best I can describe this is becoming one with all there is. A sense of completion takes hold of You that can only be experienced fully when lived Yourself.

There is a shadow side to this because that feeling is so strong that can it can take over You. Wanting to feel that feeling can become obsessive and an addiction in itself.

This is a word of caution before I describe how I’ve managed to experience this type of fullness within myself. Tread carefully my friends.

First You have to become aware of what it is that You are afraid of. There are many ways to do this. Talking to others, therapy, meditation, pondering, connecting with nature, sports, activities or just plain old thinking. What I do recommend and talk a lot about in my previous articles or podcast is asking questions. Ask simple questions like what it is that I’m afraid of in this moment?

Now once You have identified that scary thing it’s time to go into it, fully.

This is where it gets a little more difficult because we have been conditioned so deeply to suppress everything that is true for us that it may seem or feel wrong when You do it.

But the first thing I want You to do is say it out loud what it actually is that You are afraid of. It may seem so ludicrous that no further action is required. If You have friends or good people around You, say it out loud to them as well. If they are willing obviously. I’ve seen this many times with other people as well as myself that simply admitting something so deeply buried, can open up tremendous freedom in our experience. A very simple yet hard task to do. Imagine admitting to Yourself that You are afraid of other people not liking You or loving You. One of the most common fears we live with everyday but almost nobody has the guts to admit it to themselves. I’ve seen people burst into laughter after admitting this simple thing out loud and the feeling of freedom that usually follows is priceless. You can literally see and feel the weight fall of the person. Usually some actual weight loss happens as well.

Now on to the next stage.

If there is still something in You lingering, that very same fear keeps coming back, it’s time to take the next bold steps.

At first this requires being alone in my view. Taking time to think and meditate, preferably in a more quiet surrounding. I like meditation with music, usually my favorite kind of music that suits my current emotional state.

When You are in one of those places then take that thing that You are afraid of and literally go into it. Vision it in Your minds eye, let the sensations in Your body that come up, come up. Make no mistake, this is scary at first but do it anyway. I’ve done this with losing all my money and being on the street broke, homeless. As well as my partner cheating on me with different people to losing one of my limbs. Or actually dying. Or getting beaten up by a big gang of guys and raped by them. No matter what the actual fear in Your case is do Your best to visualize it as real as You possibly can. You can do movements if necessary, speak, yell, whatever You need or whatever comes out.

Going into those places and I mean really going deep into those places has provided me with the freedom I spoke of in the first part of this article.

The next and final step is actually going out into the world and doing those things. Of course I don’t propose You go out there and get beaten up or something. I mean doing public speaking if that is what You are afraid of and want to do. Or admitting to Your lover that You want to make love to her more often. Simple things that we are often afraid of.

My mind is a curious one and I know that some fears or fantasies can be played out in a safe environment with the people You really trust. Do this only with clear boundaries in place and with people that You would trust Your life with.

This is where You really have to tread carefully. Start slowly, do it slowly, think slowly and You will get there.

Ian Altosaar

2 thoughts on “Fears, Meditation and Dying”

  1. “You can literally see and feel the weight fall of the person. Usually some actual weight loss happens as well.”

    I laughed and cried when I read this part. That’s why I lost 15 pounds after getting my heart broken eh. Turns out I learned that the very thing I was always afraid of – hurting another or being hurt by another – I can’t control, no matter the situation or label. Through the experience I also realized how paradoxically you end up loving yourself even more after you are hurt by someone.


Leave a Comment