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We want to feel so much that we are even ready to sabotage ourselves.
Meaning sometimes when we can’t feel what’s going on for us we deliberately go in the direction we subconsciously know will hurt us.
Sometimes that desire can come from just the inability to be with a so-called mundane emotional experience. For example when it is dead calm and nothing really “intriguing” is happening.
And some of us who grew up through extremes are addicted to them. So it is very hard to receive dead calm happiness, although consciously we might be asking for it.
Here, one of the things is to consciously acknowledge that pattern and just receive it by sitting/being with it. If done long enough sometimes one can arrive at a state of complete appreciation of the current situation. Gratitude and love can follow. This takes time and practice, awareness of where we currently are in each moment.