My Morning


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It’s quiet, a man scrapes his window
The thickness of the air brushes against My face
It’s the only thing not covered
My breath quickens
I start to move My heavy legs
They are tired, carried me around for a while now
Mail carrier ladies do their business
I think I’m better than them sometimes
Most days not, but when I’m feeling crappier
Feel guilty about it, these days a little less but it’s still there
I think what are they thinking about me
Is that guy crazy? Why is he wearing that?
I move more into My breathing
Quicken the tempo a bit, legs are moving faster
I’m awake now
I think about having sex
It’s been some time now
Frustration, despair, loneliness
Shame, then shame around feeling shame
What a peculiar experience, the mind has it’s twists and turns
Get back to my running
First hill, first spurt, I’m in it now
Jump over puddles, there’s snow still
Guy walks his dog every day
Every time I run past them they start running as well
We ran together for a few seconds the other day
When I thought about it, it was weird
When I just did it, it was fine
Just two guys and a dog running in the darkness
Most natural thing in the world
Second hill, second spurt
Pulse is high, short breath
Slow down the tempo
Arrive at the children’s playground
Thoughts about being weird go through my head
Yes, it’s weird but I want to live My life how I want to live it
I enter it
Warm up, do my exercises
Am I doing enough? Hope people will see me and think I’m good
Just thoughts and mind concepts running through
Finish quickly, run home
Guy with a cowboy hat walks by me every day
I feel sorry for him, I don’t know anything about him
Hope he has a purpose and his wife is nice
Spurt home, feels good
I’m alive


Ian Altosaar

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