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Just watch and wait
For a while
Do nothing
Admire the beauty of this moment
And You
Then out of the blue
March forward
With quiet firmness
A felt sternness
That can be seen from afar
Emphasised by Your presence
No more, no less
You in Your glory
Hair blowing in the wind
You realize how God damn cold it is
But decide to venture on
Because You know
Loneliness can only be captured by the moment
When that moment moves away
Life can be experienced once again
We can pretend that the emptiness is lost
It’s hard to gain without losing
And lose without gaining
Only if we see it that way
What if they both require a strong sense of self?
So the losses can be felt
But not given away
And the gains can be gained
Not being made more than before?

Sometimes being free means acknowledging and seeing how we make the decisions not to be free
In that, we become freer
I don’t enjoy either anarchy or being a paradoxical spiritual guru
But underneath the yearning
The groaning and the moaning
Is the call towards freedom
If only on occasion
You must visit
The place where Your freedom resides
So You can moan and groan in You freedom

Ian Altosaar


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