Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

Most of us have pets in our homes.

Some care more about them, some less. But in each case, there is at least some love shown from the human towards the pet.

The very fact that these animals are in our homes means that we are having very active relationships with them.

Certain kind of rules are established in those relationships. Similar judgments from the human’s side get usually put on the animals. Or projections.

This is what happened to me and one of my cats.

Me and my partner have two of them and we have different relationships with each of them.

I’m usually physically very affectionate in my relationships. With humans and animals alike. This is the case with my two cats as well.

But one of those cats is a bit different. She likes other things in the relationship.

Every time I show my affection for her by petting her (and think I’m doing my part in the relationship) she gets pissed at me.

Because she wants something else entirely. She wants me to take her outside and show her the birds singing outside our windows.

For some time I couldn’t understand why she was rejecting my love so to speak. But then I understood the difference in our needs.

I’m more physical, she likes doing activities together.

But instead of seeing what she likes, I was pushing my intent on her. And wanting her to want the same things I want. expecting her to be like me.

This doesn’t usually work well in relationships.

With animals or humans.

Just think about it, whenever You expect Your friend or lover to like the same things and respond to Your love language, it really doesn’t work out that well.

The trick here is to actually find out what the other person likes, or animal. And do that instead.

As well as communicate Your needs. More difficult with animals than with humans.

But every once in a while when I spend time with her now, she lets me carry her in my lap and pet her. Which is both enjoyable for me and her at the same time.

I’ve incorporated both of our love languages. What I do is I pick her up and move from one window to the other. Showing her what is going on outside with the birds etc.

I’m being active with her and affectionate at the same time.

This can also be done in human relationships.

Communication is key in this.

You have to open Your mouth and say the things that You would like. As well as create the space for Your partner to do the same.

Then love can flow again between the two of You.

Ian Altosaar

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