Most of popular society in this current moment is running away from something. Be it pain, trauma, emptiness, You name it.
This is taking many forms, partying, alcohol, drugs, sex, the list goes on.
What are people actually doing?
Through those things, I just mentioned people really want to feel something. They want to experience something deeper, some kind of sensation, a new experience. So at first, it’s parties, alcohol, drugs. And then it’s rape fantasies, group sex, extreme things of many kinds, power over people etc.
So this paradox in my view deserves a deeper look.
Let’s spell it out once more.
We really want to feel and experience something but instead of doing that through natural means we do that through substances and physical pleasures, abusing something or someone.
The thing about those physical pleasures is that they have a limit or an end to where they can help us feel something. We need more and more of those things.
Why is this bad?
In all actuality, this is not. This is just one choice we are making. I am asking if we really want to take this route?
Or is there another way?
You might experience something and that triggers an emotional reaction within Your being. It is what the mind interprets as a negative one. You in Your mind think that You don’t want to feel or experience this and You would rather experience something more pleasurable instead. That is understandable, this is how we have been conditioned. So You go to a party, drink and have sex with someone. For a while this works, even for a long time maybe.
But those feelings and emotions become more and more powerful underneath. Now having sex with just one person does not cut it. Taking just one pill does not numb the pain anymore. You need more, You want more. Until You are drugged out and lost somewhere and waking up next to people You don’t know.
At this point, You have a couple of choices. You can probably realize that something is not quite right and get/ask for help. Or You can continue on that route. The choice us actually Yours.
Now if You decide the other way and decide to ask for help, read on. I will write about what I’ve done to come out of that vicious cycle.
Back to our emotions and feelings. These are there for a reason, they serve a purpose. They show us what is actually going on for us at the moment. What types of things and people enhance our lives and which don’t.
Let’s say You have a negative experience with someone. They break Your heart, they cheat etc. Really something that affects You and seems like You did not deserve to be treated this way. That is perfectly understandable.
What are different types of reactions to this?
You can go to a place of I’m not good enough, worthless, something is wrong with me etc. Unfelt pain can trigger these types of thoughts that when not paid attention to can spiral us into the type of abuse I spoke about earlier. Or it can create identities that don’t really serve us. Like starting to manipulate others we are in relationships with or thinking we are the victim etc. There are many examples.
What is actually going on here?
Pain, disappointment – these are both concepts of the mind. But in reality the body is in some kind of a reaction, it is experiencing something that is not wanted – from the mind’s perspective. This reaction is uncomfortable for the mind and body to experience so we’d rather go straight into our addictions.
But in all actuality, this is just a sensation and an experience. Nothing less and nothing more, as painful it might be to hear this.
What I have done in my life is I’ve learned to first identify these sensations, feelings or emotions and then I just experience them.
Here I must note that sometimes it might take a long time to even understand what we are going through or experiencing.
When You have done that it is just a matter of letting ourselves feel what is unfelt and to experience what was left unexperienced. So we can move on with our lives.
You can try to move on without at least understanding what You are feeling emotionally but in my experience, this is quite difficult to do. We are among other things emotional creatures. This is one huge part of our experience on this earthly plane. So it does make sense to experience what we were meant to experience here. As scary as this may sound.
There are many techniques to go about this. From good old plain exercise to inner child work and tantric massage. Choosing the right one for You at the moment could be tricky as well. This is where patience and a person who has traveled this road can come in handy. If You are already more in tune with Your being You can choose something You are more pulled towards. We can also turn to astrology to help us and look at the 8th house (how we deal with crisis in our lives).
I personally use writing, reflecting in nature, meditation, conversations with friends, sometimes tantra, exercising, doing simple work and listening to music.
Just beware of these practices turning into Your next addiction as well. Sometimes just good, plain old feeling Your feelings and crying into Your pillow might be the right thing to do.
Unfortunately even feeling Your feelings can become an addiction. So even this very natural thing needs to be approached from a balanced mindset.
Everything can turn into an addiction.