Poetry

Everything That Used to Make Me Feel Alive Makes Me Feel Dead Inside

Image source: https://www.pexels.com/photo/adult-alcohol-bar-bartender-274192/ Everything that used to make me feel alive Now makes me feel dead inside And then I realized It didn’t actually make me feel alive Just amplified the emptiness I felt inside It made me feel more of what was already there With no one to share, Read more…

By ianaltosaar, ago
Poetry

Sit With My Fucking Soul

Image source: https://www.pexels.com/photo/relaxation-sitting-reflection-statue-46177/ I’m sitting with my fucking soul I’m listening intently what I have to say I’m praying, praying for something I yet do not know I’m living in the unknown, the not knowing is enough to drive me mad It tingles underneath my skin I want to surrender Read more…

By ianaltosaar, ago
Poetry

An Honorable Meeting

Image source: https://www.pexels.com/photo/art-black-and-white-close-up-horse-415983/ As this day comes to a close I’m sitting with something Something that truly is inside me so I just want to sit with it Be with it, no fuss Just me and my presence Slowly finding our way to each other We bow to greet Honoring Read more…

By ianaltosaar, ago
Poetry

Wait For

Image source: https://www.pexels.com/photo/ancient-architecture-building-castle-432812/ Sometimes There are no words Words just aren’t enough No one to sing You praises Only the sweetness of Your own tears Separating You from total despair And pure bliss I cannot speak I cannot feel Only what seems like an insurmountable amount of pain The access Read more…

By ianaltosaar, ago
Poetry

Looking at Pain

Image source: https://www.pexels.com/photo/landscape-photography-of-mountains-covered-in-snow-691668/ The way we deal with pain must change It just has to when we want to become more whole, mature human beings There’s a great probability that all of us in different moments in our lives will experience This type of deep longing, sadness or even emptiness Read more…

By ianaltosaar, ago
Articles

It’s not the way that I want it. It’s just the way that I need it. Day after day.

Image source: My private collection. The view outside when I woke up today. As I woke up today these words with a certain melody were going through my head “It’s not the way that I want it. It’s just the way that I need it. Day after day.” I couldn’t Read more…

By ianaltosaar, ago
Blog

On Death

Image source: My private collection. Tallinn, Estonia. If You continue to look at death straight in it’s face You will break regardless If You happen to experience the bright side of life on some days In between this constant dying There might be periods of lighter existence But don’t be Read more…

By ianaltosaar, ago
Blog

A Journey Through

Image source: My private collection. Estonia, Lääne-Virumaa, Obja village. There is always light within the dark But sometimes we as humans succumb to the darker parts of creation Sometimes the pain we feel or experience is so great The road through seems desperately far This is where a strong developed Read more…

By ianaltosaar, ago
Poetry

Internal

Image source: My private collection. Somewhere near Viljandi, Estonia. To be internally grateful Adds meaning to this life To find some of that meaning outside of Yourself A dark red cherry on top of a cake Finding something or someone to relate to Can often take time And what at Read more…

By ianaltosaar, ago
Poetry

New

Image source: My private collection. Somewhere near Viljandi, Estonia. It is in the newness where the soul resides It awaits, longing for the return of the king Or queen Unfortunately It is always searching Grasping for new realms Not yet created It has always been like this We are born Read more…

By ianaltosaar, ago